CHAPTER III

Death Of A Loser

Desperation was becoming my only friend.

It was time for some cut-throat tactics. Enough of this good natured, ebullient, non threatening, upstanding citizen. Somebody was goin' down! I recalled that, at the last bid, the contestant immediately following me had overcut me by one dollar. And didn't I let him know it? I remember feeling that Brooklyn thuggery itching to come out; yearning to slap his silly head across the stage. For the first time, I felt the urge for ruthless competition and my teeth clenched with dogged determination. I carefully bid on the next presentation, a cute little collection of Mickey Mouse children's audio electronics. OK, so it wasn't exactly tobacco spitting casino gambling but my blood was boiling. My bid was $452.00 and it was the highest bid on the panel. Actual retail price: $510.00. Finally! I was in! I ambled slowly onto the stage and up to Bob Barker, shaking his hand and thanking him for the long awaited honor. My previous rancor and ill will toward my fellow humans melted away as I shed the mantle of "also ran". After all, now that I had both lived with and then vanquished my enemies, I could again be humble and lovable. Hmm, a microcosm of my competitive life and a model for the world, I might add. Bob Barker then led me to the area of the stage where I would attempt to win a Maytag washer and dryer and a child's theme bed by playing the game, Switcheroo. Prices were placed on each item but were they the correct prices? My choices were to either accept the prices as presented or to switch them. Yes or no? Stay or go? High or low? Win or blow? My outward demeanor depicted a meditative calm. Inside, I was two corpuscles from a massive stroke. I looked to my NOISE/FUNK compatriots for assistance. Tyrone was literally cursing at me to make the switch. I did and in so doing, my angels again smiled. Thank you, Tyrone. You can wash your clothes at my house, anytime! After having won at Switcheroo, I was ushered to an area of the studio where the other winners waited to participate in the Showcase Showdown elimination. Now, I am truly grateful to CBS TV for all the wonderful things that I won on The Price Is Right and I would not even presume to cast aspersions upon anyone in that fine organization but they've got to do something about the waiting and backstage areas of the studio. The word, dilapidated, comes to mind. It's like winning Lotto and then having to pick up the check in the basement of a squalid tenement. Well, enough complaining; let me stop looking the gift horse in the mouth. It now came time for the second Showcase Showdown. I was the top winner among this second group of three contenders at the Big Wheel so I spun first. I grabbed the wheel and with a hefty heave ho, I launched the loop on its way. That thing is pretty heavy; I can understand why those little old ladies fall down trying to spin it. Twice, it blazed around before it began to slow and tease me with the possibility of stopping in the bonus dollar slot. As it approached the lucky notch, I could feel the wheel mocking, sneering at me, as it purposely prepared to halt only one groove short of my dance of joy. Ah, but destiny was my darling this day and she loves to make me wait! She caresses my hopes with twisted stretches of time. The finger of the Big Wheel flirted with my pain one last time before finally and meekly surrendering to my laughter. One thousand dollars was mine! Amid the clang of the bells and the raucous applause, I took an unassuming bow. The next two contestants had opportunities to join me, with similar spins of the Big Wheel but this was my world and sorry, it was filled. Even I had a chance to increase my winnings by again making that perfect spin but I was so strong with pent up emotion that the discharge resulted in my flinging the wheel too hard the second time. A blessing in disguise, I say; I needed the dissipation so that I could breathe again.

You see, there was one more mountain yet to climb!



 
Next - CHAPTER IV
Crumbs To Crowns